I know I haven’t updated, I’ve been busy okay! Exams are a bitch, leave me alone!
Oh, my dear audience that little outburst was just for fun, I would never yell at you! That was actually my attempt at creating a pun, Futurama style: “Bender: Yo old guy, why do we have to use those tiny micro droids? Can’t you just shrink us?
Professor: Oh my no, that would require extremely tiny atoms, have you priced those lately? I’m not made of money! Leave me alone!”
Yes, so anyway, life’s been a little tough lately, and my social life has literally gone down the drain for a little bit. I’ve only had two exams this year, but they were tough, and my hand hurts after writing for three hours for each exam. History exams are too full of words, and dates, and theories, I’m glad that its all over… for this year. But then again, I plan to have a career in Academia, so I guess I should start working on my hand muscles, for I have a lot more writing to do.
Now the point of this post. Recently I had a conversation with a co-worker that put me a little bit on the edge. We were talking about her love life and how she didn’t agree to marry her true, love of her life, for about 13 years or so. She said she had to be sure, and she’d been hurt before (divorced) so wasn’t too keen on marriage anymore. She then told me not to even think about getting married until after I was 30, which right now isn’t much of a problem since I’m single. I asked her why.
“Your 18-29 years are probably going to be the most important years of your life, Stephanie. Its when you change the most, and you won’t really know what you like, what you don’t like, what you can live with, and what you can’t stand, until you’re 30.” Is this true, I wonder? Already I can acknowledge the fact that our opinions and personalities change as we mature, as do our preferences and style. Stephanie as an 18 year old is a completely different person from Stephanie the 20 year old and it shocks me. In two years I have already learned so much about myself, my style has drastically changed, and I’ve branched out my music tastes to include artists who don’t fall into the heavy metal category. I know enjoy singers as well as screamers.
Should we be afraid then? Of the changes that are yet to occur to us? How much more will I drastically change? I like the Stephanie I am now, and I’ve worked hard to become the person I am. Yes, there are still many questions I am attempting to answer, like my spiritual opinions (I suppose I am agnostic right now) what happens when we die, and what exactly is love? However, I am proud of what I have learned so far, from all my silly experiences.
However, I remember being 18, trying to convince my mother to let me get a tattoo (I got one anyway, it was just a matter of giving the fam jam a heads up) and saying that I was really happy with where I was and who I was at that moment. So this gives me some hope for the future. Maybe I won’t change and become someone I would hate, maybe I will continue to learn and be proud of who I am. But how do I guarantee this? Is it even possible?
I suppose the answer to that question is frequent soul searching. Yes, I sound like a hippie again, but I truly believe that it’s important, every once in a while, to sit down and just look at yourself. Not in a mirror, although if that helps you see into your soul, then feel free. What I mean is to reflect on what you’ve done, how you act, how you treat people, and ask if you are happy with this? If you stepped out of your body, and came across yourself on the street, and had a five minute conversation with yourself, would you be the kind of person you would want to see again?
My co-worker advised me to write a list of 50 things I like, and 50 things I hate, and keep it safe for about 10 years or so. Then, when I look at it again in 5-10-15 years, or whenever, I compare and see if I’ve changed drastically. I’m not writing 50, that’s too much for me right now and I’m very lazy. I’ll work on 25 for each category, than post it here, because unless the end of the world happens at the end of 2012, things should last on the internet. So people tell me. And this way, I’ll keep this blog going for a long time, just so I can one day check my archives and re-read that list. I invite you to do the same, because honestly, this sounds like fun. It reminds me of that assignment our grade school teachers give us in grade 2 or something, and we have to write a letter to our older selves. We’ll be writing a letter to the future! Ha!