I have the day off today, and it’s been nice. Minus the slight stomach ache from making a canned salmon salad. Yupp. Canned salmon. I thought it’d be good, and you know what, the first bite really was! But then I found a bit of a bone, and I couldn’t help but think of what it was i was eating: ground up salmon. After that, into the garbage it went. My only regret is that now I only have one tomato left… and I have a stomach ache.
But enough gross things! I don’t like gross things, and I don’t think you, dear audience, like’s gross things.
I finally restrung my classical guitar today. It was quite an accomplishment, because I have never been able to do that alone. Also, it seems like it’s been too long since I’ve had a day (or a few hours I suppose) to myself. I think we all need that. I was thinking about being a bit of an introvert today, and how some people prefer never to be alone. And I suppose I can understand that. I will not assume, but sometimes, people just don’t want to be by themselves because they’re afraid of the possible self-actualization. At least, that is the conclusion I have reached.
When you have no one for yourself for company, what do you do? When there are no movies to watch, books to read, internet to surf;you think. And it can be scary. This is why I use sites like 9gag. Sometimes you just don’t want to think about yourself. Sometimes, you just need to loose yourself in something.
In my case, when I hang out with just me, and I start to think, I get a bit embarrassed sometimes. I think of the past and remember the times I was naive (mostly revolving relationships too, by the way), and I embarrass myself. Being naive is horrible. It’s not a crime, and it’s not something to be ashamed of I suppose, but when something happens that makes you realize that you were naive, it is literally like a bubble has burst. There’s this deep sense of shame, almost, like you were stupid for believing in what you once believed in, or in who you believed in. It is being unprepared for reality.
Maybe this is why we are afraid to try new things. That sense of shame, and the feeling that we might be just a little naive. When I first moved out of my parents house, to Ottawa for school, I thought I was finally living like an adult… in the University residence…where all my meals were cooked for me and all I was responsible for was my own laundry. Looking back, I was still just a kid. It’s been three years since then, and two since I began to actually be responsible for my own well-being. I hope to god that i’m no longer naive.
Well, the good news is that my guitar sounds pretty good. It’s in tune, the strings look mostly pretty, and i’m finally getting the rhythm of that new song I’ve been working on for a few weeks now. (I blame my work schedule. No time.) Bad news, is that my stomach still hates me for that damned can salmon. But all bad things pass, eventually.