When I graduated from high school, it was a relief, but it was also a little numbing. It never really hit me until the day before I left for university that a certain part of my life was over. Four years had come and gone, and I had developed into a specific kind of person, with goals and dreams that weren’t fully formed and shaky. I was scared, so scared, and very occupied with imagining how my life would be like once I left my family and embarked on a new academic adventure. I was on my own, and free to chose my own influences, my own decisions based solely on my own merits. It was definitely a trial and error period and I learned a lot. the experiences slowly changed the high school graduate into someone else entirely. And it took me three years to notice that the minute differences amalgamated into someone almost unrecognizable.
I am okay with the person who I am. Of course, there are little things I want to work on: stop being so nervous, so unsure of my own capabilities, stop being so goddamn nice to the point where I stress myself. There is a thing called being too nice apparently, and it has made me miserable in the past. But now, this is the last year of my university career. Perhaps my last year living in this routine away from the homestead. The next few years will change who I am once again and again I am nervous, and frightened. Who will I become? Will I make the right choices, or at lease good choices that change me for the better? And will everything change?
When I talk to fellow students who are about to graduate, I ask them whether or not they are planning to attend their graduation ceremony and they tell me no. I have always wondered why so many didn’t want to be a part of a ceremony intended to celebrate their hard work. But perhaps the reality has already hit them that this aspect of their lives is over. Perhaps they wish to merely strive forward. To be honest, it seems a little anti-climactic that after 4-5 years of hard work, and thousands of dollars all I get is a piece of paper. Graduation is a threshold, a stepping stone into something else. Into adulthood? More responsibility? It is hard to image a life where I am no longer a student. What will become of me?